"Miss Lady"

I know you're wondering what this post is all about.  Well, I'm glad you asked & feel free to share this one with a girl or a mom who may need to read it.   That's the way guys used to try to get your attention.  "Hey, hey, Miss Lady... let me talk to you for a minute."  Do they still say that? Okay, let's get back to the topic.

I see so many young girls (under 18) wearing extremely tight or 'barely there' clothing. Many of them are, let's say 'not a perfect size 6' and their flesh is spilling out over the top of their blouse & out of their jeans.  But they just wiggle & jiggle around with a wide grin on their face.  They have no idea how they really look and the reason they're smiling is because they get a lot of attention from young guys, grown men & basically everyone.  They don't know that it's not because they're so cute; it's because they are serving it up on a platter. Where are their mothers? I wish they knew that they don't have to do anything extra to get noticed by the right type of guy.

Some girls do know exactly what they're doing. But here's something every girl may not understand: men really don't discriminate when it comes to bare skin. They don't care what your face looks like, they don't care what's inside your head. If you're showing flesh, they're looking. And a lot of them will make a move. And why not? You're inviting the attention you get. It's just that some girls don't recognize inappropriate attention.

There are a few who get angry when a guy says something indecent. But listen, Miss Lady, if you're not that kind of girl... then cover yourself up.  I heard an older minister say, "If you're not selling anything, you ought not to be advertising it."

[stepping down from my soap box] I had to get that off my chest. You may return to your regularly scheduled activities.

HOT TOPIC: Scandalous

Who isn't watching ABC's "Scandal" these days?  I watch it. It's very entertaining, suspenseful & well written... it's a good show.  So much is being said & written about the show lately.  For those of you who don't know: It's a political drama, the two main characters are Olivia Pope & President Fitzgerald Grant. Olivia owns a crisis management firm and is a former member of the President's campaign staff.  Oh and by the way, she just happens to be having an affair with the POTUS... and he's married w/children & one on the way.

I've read where some women feel that the affair makes Olivia the most powerful woman in the world because she has the closest "relationship" with the president.  Some people say Christians shouldn't even watch the show.  I've also read that black men don't appreciate the "Jefferson/Hemings" connotation. This show has become very controversial.

Here's my take on it: First of all, let me state for the record, I generally don't root for the 'home-wrecker'. Which is why I'm not the least bit interested in the affair. I can't help but identify with the wife.  Even if she is a shrew, he is still her husband & the father of her children.  I watch for the plot twists, the colorful characters & I like to see how Pope & Assoc. get their clients out of their sticky situations.

Some women are hoping Fitz leaves his wife for Olivia. What about you?  Do you watch because of the torrid liaison?  Do you love it or hate it?  Do you watch at all?

One way you can tell if something good, is that it gets people talking.  Like I said, it's a good show. Shonda Rhimes is on her game.

All the Single Ladies...

I was having a conversation with a group of women, most of whom are married. And a friend who is single (with no kids) asked, "How do you do it?"  She went on to say, "I care for my sister's children while she's at work and when she gets home everyday, I am exhausted.  How do you take care of your kids, husband, work and everything else you have to do. I wouldn't have the energy."

Most of us agreed that, "You just do what you have to do."  And that we get a lot of help from our husbands as well. Yes, there is school, homework, soccer, football, basketball, band, dance class, plays, etc. Not to mention work, church, social events...the list goes on & on. And yes, we are bone tired, sleepy, & stressed out.  But it has to be done so we do it.

Then the conversation changed when someone said, "The women who really have it hard are single mothers."  We all said we don't know how how they do it. Although, I'm sure they would say the same thing we did, "You do what you have to do."

As women, we don't encourage each other as much as we should. We need to acknowledge & appreciate just how strong we really are. So to all you responsible single mothers out there who are "holding it down" for your family, this may not mean much coming from me but... I Salute You! Give yourselves a hand.

HOT TOPIC: "Kimye"

Okay, by now the world knows that Kim Kardashian & Kanye West are expecting a baby.  What I don't understand is why so many people are outraged, disappointed or hurt.  What's new or different about their situation?  A lot of celebrity couples have children out of wedlock and Kim is not the first to "hook up" with someone else before the divorce is final.  Isn't this normal behavior for this crowd? What did we (as a society) expect?  Did we really think these two were going to have a traditional relationship?

When everybody's talking about things like this in the public airwaves, I use it as an opportunity to teach my girls what not to do.  My oldest is in Jr. High now, and we usually talk about what's going on in the world (thank God she listens to me).  I try not to shy away from any subject because I want her to get her  information from me instead of friends who don't know what they're talking about.  We also talk a lot about being able to respect someone's talent without condoning their behavior.  If we judged artists, musicians, singers, athletes, etc... by the way they conducted their lives, we couldn't like 99% of the entertainers in the history of ever.

I guess what it all boils down to is this: I couldn't care less what Kim & Kanye do.  The truth is, I'm going to go back to not watching Kim's show and when Kanye drops another hit everybody's going to forget about this anyway. SMH.

It's Not Rocket Science.

I recently read an article on a blog called "The Reasonable Bachelor." Basically, it's telling women how they can tell if they're the "Jump Off" or not.  I'm not particularly fond of that term, but anyway... For those of you who don't know what it means, he defines it this way: "We all know that in the pop culture world, 'Jump Offs' are sexual partners with no strings attached.  A person who you are 'into' physically to some degree but not someone who you have decided to give your full attention to, as is customary in a relationship."

He lists these 4 tips: 1. Make a man know who you are.  2. Stop equating the sort of attention that you get from a guy who you are sleeping with to the sort of attention that a man gives to his special lady. 3. Unless a man says he's into you and that he wants you to be his lady, stop assuming that is where your friendship is going.  4. You don't have to drive the communication for a guy that is really into you.

Of course, the article is interesting and offers good information for women (he goes into much greater detail).   But I couldn't help thinking: Ladies, we already know this, don't we?  Isn't this the same advice that our grandmothers & mothers gave us... "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" or "There a certain girls that a man will take home to meet his Mama and those he won't."

If you allow yourself to be used by a man, then that's exactly what he'll do. Furthermore, if you allow yourself to be used by anyone, then don't be surprised when it happens. I mean, really... this is not a hard concept to grasp. It's not rocket science.

This is why I try to foster self-esteem in young girls as early as possible. Because even with grown women, we still have a long way to go.


The article can be found at www.thereasonablebachelor.com 
"Tired of being the short time lover...looking to be wifey."

Can We Talk?

Has anyone ever stopped you and told you their life story while shopping in a department store or grocery store... and they don't even know you?  This happens to me all the time.  I don't know why but it started happening a few years ago.  Also, people always ask me which outfit looks best, which shoe, which nail color, it goes on and on.  There can be a room full of people, and they will find me and want to talk; when I say talk, I mean a lengthy conversation.  Maybe I have a face that makes people think they can trust me. Who knows.

When I would tell my husband and other family members about this I would say, "Why me?" or "I am not the one. These people need therapy, not me." At first, I used to kind of awkwardly excuse myself by saying something like, "I'm really in a hurry right now." But it started to occur so often that I decided to just stop and listen. I would try to offer some brief comfort or advice.

I remember vividly, a few years back. It was the Fall season, I was returning an item at a store. The cashier was eating m&ms and she offered me some of her candy... strange, right?  I politely declined. Then just before giving me my refund she said, "You got a minute?" I thought to myself, "Well yeah, I don't have a choice. You're holding my money!" So I said, "Sure." She went on to tell me about her situation and how she was thinking about canceling her Thanksgiving plans.  I just listened, I don't even remember what I told her but I offered my opinion, she seemed to feel better and I took my money and went home.

You see, I started listening because a friend told me to stop resisting and allow God to use me.  She said, "You never know how those few words you offer can help someone. You may not think so but there has to be a reason why this keeps happening to you."  Ever since then, I've looked at it differently. Now, I just try to say something  uplifting or reassuring. I want to be a positive force in this world.

This is one of the many reasons why decided to start blogging.  I get the feeling that someone out there is listening.

Body Beautiful

Let's talk about raising a girl to have a positve body image.  As you know, I have two young daughters (and one son), and I'm trying to instill healthy self-esteem and a positive attitude.  Somtimes this can be a daunting task.  I want to share what I learn, my observations & my experiences with everyone so other girls may benefit in some way.

As I've stated before, I'm very particular about the tv shows, movies & music videos that I allow my children to watch.  Sometimes even "kids shows" can be questionable. Now since we can't be with them 24/7, some things are bound to slip through but they know what I don't approve of and they know why.  And since they're still young, I like to think that I have some influence on them even when I'm not around.

I recently read about a 15 yr old girl who has admitted to altering her photos on her Facebook page & My Space, using Photo Shop. And that young girls are doing this more than you would think. It's very sad to me that some girls are so dissatisfied with their looks. These girls are trying to achieve a look that is unattainable. I wonder if FB & Photo Shop had been around when I was a teenager, would I have been tempted to do the same.

I find it troubling that some young women are willing to objectify themselves just to sell music and/or move product, and we as a society proclaim them to be positive role models simply because they are successful at making money.  What message is that sending to young girls?

Now days not only can they re-touch photos, they can digitally alter film. Nobody's perfect... we have to try to get our girls to understand this and accept it as a fact.  I think my girls understand that they are beautiful in their own way, but as much as I hate to admit it, they are already 'body-conscience'.  However, they do know that what they see in magazines & on tv isn't always the real thing.   As mothers, we have a lot of work to do but we have to remain diligent.  It will all be worth it.  As much as we talk about loving yourself on the inside, we have to make sure they appreciate what's on the outside as well.