Can We Talk?

Has anyone ever stopped you and told you their life story while shopping in a department store or grocery store... and they don't even know you?  This happens to me all the time.  I don't know why but it started happening a few years ago.  Also, people always ask me which outfit looks best, which shoe, which nail color, it goes on and on.  There can be a room full of people, and they will find me and want to talk; when I say talk, I mean a lengthy conversation.  Maybe I have a face that makes people think they can trust me. Who knows.

When I would tell my husband and other family members about this I would say, "Why me?" or "I am not the one. These people need therapy, not me." At first, I used to kind of awkwardly excuse myself by saying something like, "I'm really in a hurry right now." But it started to occur so often that I decided to just stop and listen. I would try to offer some brief comfort or advice.

I remember vividly, a few years back. It was the Fall season, I was returning an item at a store. The cashier was eating m&ms and she offered me some of her candy... strange, right?  I politely declined. Then just before giving me my refund she said, "You got a minute?" I thought to myself, "Well yeah, I don't have a choice. You're holding my money!" So I said, "Sure." She went on to tell me about her situation and how she was thinking about canceling her Thanksgiving plans.  I just listened, I don't even remember what I told her but I offered my opinion, she seemed to feel better and I took my money and went home.

You see, I started listening because a friend told me to stop resisting and allow God to use me.  She said, "You never know how those few words you offer can help someone. You may not think so but there has to be a reason why this keeps happening to you."  Ever since then, I've looked at it differently. Now, I just try to say something  uplifting or reassuring. I want to be a positive force in this world.

This is one of the many reasons why decided to start blogging.  I get the feeling that someone out there is listening.

Body Beautiful

Let's talk about raising a girl to have a positve body image.  As you know, I have two young daughters (and one son), and I'm trying to instill healthy self-esteem and a positive attitude.  Somtimes this can be a daunting task.  I want to share what I learn, my observations & my experiences with everyone so other girls may benefit in some way.

As I've stated before, I'm very particular about the tv shows, movies & music videos that I allow my children to watch.  Sometimes even "kids shows" can be questionable. Now since we can't be with them 24/7, some things are bound to slip through but they know what I don't approve of and they know why.  And since they're still young, I like to think that I have some influence on them even when I'm not around.

I recently read about a 15 yr old girl who has admitted to altering her photos on her Facebook page & My Space, using Photo Shop. And that young girls are doing this more than you would think. It's very sad to me that some girls are so dissatisfied with their looks. These girls are trying to achieve a look that is unattainable. I wonder if FB & Photo Shop had been around when I was a teenager, would I have been tempted to do the same.

I find it troubling that some young women are willing to objectify themselves just to sell music and/or move product, and we as a society proclaim them to be positive role models simply because they are successful at making money.  What message is that sending to young girls?

Now days not only can they re-touch photos, they can digitally alter film. Nobody's perfect... we have to try to get our girls to understand this and accept it as a fact.  I think my girls understand that they are beautiful in their own way, but as much as I hate to admit it, they are already 'body-conscience'.  However, they do know that what they see in magazines & on tv isn't always the real thing.   As mothers, we have a lot of work to do but we have to remain diligent.  It will all be worth it.  As much as we talk about loving yourself on the inside, we have to make sure they appreciate what's on the outside as well.

Style Noir

A fashion writer for French Elle magazine, Nathalie Dolvio, wrote an internet article that has caused controversy & sparked outrage. In her post entitled, "Black Fashion Power," she says African Americans weren't fashionable until the Obamas came into office.  In her opinion, the President & First Lady have given black people in the U.S. a style alternative.  Dolvio wrote: "For the first time, chic has become an option for a community so far plagued to it's streetwear codes."  She calls the First Lady's fashion sense "Black-geoisie," a combination of traditional "white codes"  and accents from the African heritage.  The post has since been removed and French Elle has opoligized for the article.

Of course, I vehemently disagree with the sentiment of this article. I mean, really.  Yes, Michelle Obama is a glamorous first lady.  She was the only first lady since Jackie Kennedy to appear on the cover of Vogue magazine. We, as a people, have always been stylish, fashionable, sharp-dressed men & women.

But this conversation does make me recall looking through old photo albums and seeing pictures of my family, of older generations, dressed so elegantly.  Practically everyone dressed well... men with their hats and women in their gloves & heels. Most of the time they weren't going any place that enforced a dress-code; that's just the way they dressed. Not so long ago, a black man put on a three-piece suit just to take a flight out of town.

Now days, if you're not in a corporate office or at church, you'll hardly ever see a young black man in a suit.  And most young women... "club wear" is the closest they'll come to getting "dressed up."  As I said before, we've always had style.  I think I'd just like to see a lot more of it.

Toddlers & Tiaras' "Pretty Woman"

Okay, I'm sure we've all heard of this show by now.  It's not a show that I usually watch but one day I tuned in out of sheer curiosity and I find myself watching from time to time when there's nothing else on tv.  I'm also sure that opinions are very strong concerning this show.  I, for one, can't fathom the idea of entering my child into a pageant such as this (for reasons too numerous to mention). I watch in disbeleif from start to finish... I mean the fake eyelashes, fake hair, fake teeth (sometimes), fake tans and so much make up on babies!  It's just too much.

But the last episode that I saw really crossed the line I think.  It was part of the "dress up" phase of the contest.  That's when you can dress your child up in any you want, they can be a movie star, a rock star, a cartoon character, a race car driver, etc.  It's like the "freestyle" portion of the program.  So one mother decided to dress her daughter like the character that actress Julia Roberts played in "Pretty Woman."  The child actually came onto the stage in the "streetwalker" costume as well as the famous polka-dot dress.  Don't believe me? Here's the pic.

What do you think of this?  Even for this show, I think this was going too far.  When this little girl came out "strutting her stuff" in this hooker costume I just couldn't believe it.  What is going on in this mother's mind? Everyone knows the plot of the movie... she starts out as a hooker and becomes a lady. So this mom knew exactly what she was doing.  All I can say is I feel sorry for this "poor child."

Sadly, we don't get to choose our parents.  That is all.

Old School vs. New School

A young starlet was recently giving relationship advice to other young ladies during an interview.  She said that girls should initiate the the first date, "Pick them up and don't be shy."  She also said, "Get it together girls, take control."  Okay, so I want to hear opinions from men on this subject.  Although I'm sure that guys will have absolutely no problem with this concept.

I was always told, "Never pursue a man.  If a guy is interested in you, he'll let you know."  So I never have and I didn't suffer from not being 'asked out' or approached by men.  I've never made the first move, never made the first phone call, never paid for a meal, and never 'gone dutch' on a date (in my single days).  It worked out for me.  And I plan to to teach my girls the same thing I was taught.

So tell me, am I just Old School?  Have the times changed that much?  The way I see it, men & women are pretty much the same as they've always been and some things never change.

Let me know what you think.

Sesame Street Speaks

I was reading on Facebook that a petition has been started for Sesame Street room-mates & pals, Ernie & Bert, to get married.  This has become an internet sensation.  There are people who suspect that they may be gay. Really?!  Lair Scott, from Illinois, began the petition.  He stated that "We are living in a culture where LGBT kids are committing suicide at an alarming rate and having iconic characters like Bert & Ernie getting married will show children that there's nothing wrong with being gay."

People expect a TV show to tell children about same sex marriage?  Shouldn't it be up to the parents/guardians to teach their own children about these things? Same sex marriage exists and whether you agree with it or not, you're going to have to deal with it when it comes to educating your children. But I think parents should have that responsibility, not Sesame Street. And I don't think children who watch the show are old enough to comprehend it anyway.  Here's one of many comments: "Sexual relationship content of any kind - heterosexual, homosexual or otherwise - does not belong on a show targeted to preschoolers!"  I tend to agree.

Sesame Street answered the petitioners with this statement on their Facebook page, "Though the muppets have lived together for over 40 years, they simply aren't gay and were created to teach tolerance.  Bert & Ernie are best friends.  They were created to teach preschoolers that people can be good friends with those who are very different from themselves.  Even though they are identified as male characters and posses many human characteristics (as most Sesame Street muppets do) they remain muppets and do not have a sexual orientation."  So I guess they won't be getting married.

I say "Kudos" to Sesame Street.

Keeping Them Off The Pole?

I was watching "The View" the other day. During their 'HotTopics' they were discussing a fitness club in the UK that offers Pole Dancing classes to girls as young as 7 yrs old, and they post pictures on Facebook with parental consent. So I read the article. One parent said "It's fun and good exercise and they don't teach anything erotic, it's like gymnastics."   She also said her daughter had her 7th birthday party there and she loves it.

Let's take a look: http://theview.abc.go.com/video/hot-topics-pole-dancing-kids

Here's what I think:  We all know where pole dancing originated... the strip club. And as 'erotic dancing' has become more mainstream, fitness instructers have began teaching housewives how to pole dance to bring out their sexuality and to bring more excitement to the bedroom.  Now all of a sudden pole dancing holds no sexual connotation at all? Really?!!  What I want to know is (from looking at the video) why was one little girl wearing shorts & a sports bra? Where was her t-shirt? And what kind of music were they dancing to?
 
Just because you say something isn't sexual doesn't mean it's not.  Why do strippers use a pole if  it's not erotic? Why do wives pole dance for their husbands if it's not seductive?  Why on earth should a 7 yr. old be swinging around a pole?

There are many other ways to exercise.  There are other ways to build upper-body strength.  Gymnastics? If I want my girls to learn gymnastics... we know of and have visited a gym in our city where they teach gymnastics with gymnastic equipment and employ gymnastics instructors.

As parents of young girls it's our job to teach them about their body image, value & self-worth.  They already have a lot of confusing  messages coming toward them. We sould steer them away from those things that may further confuse them and guard against  those activities that may be too much too soon for a child. Maybe someone can help me see how this as a positive activity. I can't control how others choose to raise their children but I wouldn't advise this.  Some would say, "If you sexualize it, then you have a problem." But we live in the real world people, there's no way you can erase the stigma that comes along with pole dancing.

Comedian, Chris Rock once said his main goal is to keep his daughters 'off the pole'.  He added, if he didn't do this, then he has failed as a father.  Obviously, there are some mothers who disagree.  What say you?