It's Not Rocket Science.

I recently read an article on a blog called "The Reasonable Bachelor." Basically, it's telling women how they can tell if they're the "Jump Off" or not.  I'm not particularly fond of that term, but anyway... For those of you who don't know what it means, he defines it this way: "We all know that in the pop culture world, 'Jump Offs' are sexual partners with no strings attached.  A person who you are 'into' physically to some degree but not someone who you have decided to give your full attention to, as is customary in a relationship."

He lists these 4 tips: 1. Make a man know who you are.  2. Stop equating the sort of attention that you get from a guy who you are sleeping with to the sort of attention that a man gives to his special lady. 3. Unless a man says he's into you and that he wants you to be his lady, stop assuming that is where your friendship is going.  4. You don't have to drive the communication for a guy that is really into you.

Of course, the article is interesting and offers good information for women (he goes into much greater detail).   But I couldn't help thinking: Ladies, we already know this, don't we?  Isn't this the same advice that our grandmothers & mothers gave us... "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" or "There a certain girls that a man will take home to meet his Mama and those he won't."

If you allow yourself to be used by a man, then that's exactly what he'll do. Furthermore, if you allow yourself to be used by anyone, then don't be surprised when it happens. I mean, really... this is not a hard concept to grasp. It's not rocket science.

This is why I try to foster self-esteem in young girls as early as possible. Because even with grown women, we still have a long way to go.


The article can be found at www.thereasonablebachelor.com 
"Tired of being the short time lover...looking to be wifey."

Can We Talk?

Has anyone ever stopped you and told you their life story while shopping in a department store or grocery store... and they don't even know you?  This happens to me all the time.  I don't know why but it started happening a few years ago.  Also, people always ask me which outfit looks best, which shoe, which nail color, it goes on and on.  There can be a room full of people, and they will find me and want to talk; when I say talk, I mean a lengthy conversation.  Maybe I have a face that makes people think they can trust me. Who knows.

When I would tell my husband and other family members about this I would say, "Why me?" or "I am not the one. These people need therapy, not me." At first, I used to kind of awkwardly excuse myself by saying something like, "I'm really in a hurry right now." But it started to occur so often that I decided to just stop and listen. I would try to offer some brief comfort or advice.

I remember vividly, a few years back. It was the Fall season, I was returning an item at a store. The cashier was eating m&ms and she offered me some of her candy... strange, right?  I politely declined. Then just before giving me my refund she said, "You got a minute?" I thought to myself, "Well yeah, I don't have a choice. You're holding my money!" So I said, "Sure." She went on to tell me about her situation and how she was thinking about canceling her Thanksgiving plans.  I just listened, I don't even remember what I told her but I offered my opinion, she seemed to feel better and I took my money and went home.

You see, I started listening because a friend told me to stop resisting and allow God to use me.  She said, "You never know how those few words you offer can help someone. You may not think so but there has to be a reason why this keeps happening to you."  Ever since then, I've looked at it differently. Now, I just try to say something  uplifting or reassuring. I want to be a positive force in this world.

This is one of the many reasons why decided to start blogging.  I get the feeling that someone out there is listening.

Body Beautiful

Let's talk about raising a girl to have a positve body image.  As you know, I have two young daughters (and one son), and I'm trying to instill healthy self-esteem and a positive attitude.  Somtimes this can be a daunting task.  I want to share what I learn, my observations & my experiences with everyone so other girls may benefit in some way.

As I've stated before, I'm very particular about the tv shows, movies & music videos that I allow my children to watch.  Sometimes even "kids shows" can be questionable. Now since we can't be with them 24/7, some things are bound to slip through but they know what I don't approve of and they know why.  And since they're still young, I like to think that I have some influence on them even when I'm not around.

I recently read about a 15 yr old girl who has admitted to altering her photos on her Facebook page & My Space, using Photo Shop. And that young girls are doing this more than you would think. It's very sad to me that some girls are so dissatisfied with their looks. These girls are trying to achieve a look that is unattainable. I wonder if FB & Photo Shop had been around when I was a teenager, would I have been tempted to do the same.

I find it troubling that some young women are willing to objectify themselves just to sell music and/or move product, and we as a society proclaim them to be positive role models simply because they are successful at making money.  What message is that sending to young girls?

Now days not only can they re-touch photos, they can digitally alter film. Nobody's perfect... we have to try to get our girls to understand this and accept it as a fact.  I think my girls understand that they are beautiful in their own way, but as much as I hate to admit it, they are already 'body-conscience'.  However, they do know that what they see in magazines & on tv isn't always the real thing.   As mothers, we have a lot of work to do but we have to remain diligent.  It will all be worth it.  As much as we talk about loving yourself on the inside, we have to make sure they appreciate what's on the outside as well.

Style Noir

A fashion writer for French Elle magazine, Nathalie Dolvio, wrote an internet article that has caused controversy & sparked outrage. In her post entitled, "Black Fashion Power," she says African Americans weren't fashionable until the Obamas came into office.  In her opinion, the President & First Lady have given black people in the U.S. a style alternative.  Dolvio wrote: "For the first time, chic has become an option for a community so far plagued to it's streetwear codes."  She calls the First Lady's fashion sense "Black-geoisie," a combination of traditional "white codes"  and accents from the African heritage.  The post has since been removed and French Elle has opoligized for the article.

Of course, I vehemently disagree with the sentiment of this article. I mean, really.  Yes, Michelle Obama is a glamorous first lady.  She was the only first lady since Jackie Kennedy to appear on the cover of Vogue magazine. We, as a people, have always been stylish, fashionable, sharp-dressed men & women.

But this conversation does make me recall looking through old photo albums and seeing pictures of my family, of older generations, dressed so elegantly.  Practically everyone dressed well... men with their hats and women in their gloves & heels. Most of the time they weren't going any place that enforced a dress-code; that's just the way they dressed. Not so long ago, a black man put on a three-piece suit just to take a flight out of town.

Now days, if you're not in a corporate office or at church, you'll hardly ever see a young black man in a suit.  And most young women... "club wear" is the closest they'll come to getting "dressed up."  As I said before, we've always had style.  I think I'd just like to see a lot more of it.